The baby has landed. Here are my musings about that life-changing, wonderful and pretty scary fact. The intention was to start posting from Day One but it turns out that brand new humans cause a 6-month delay on ANYTHING getting done, from having a proper wash to writing a blog. It will be a steep learning curve...
By trade I am a journalist with a background in current affairs, culture, health and fitness, travel and high profile interviews. I also own and run an outdoor fitness business aimed at people that hate gyms and bootcamps (www.spartanfitnesslondon.co.uk). Most importantly though, I am on Shared Parental Leave from May 31 to October 3. Everyday from 0730 to 1800 I will be in sole charge of a real and completely awesome baby girl.
THE weekend had arrived so there were two of us to
attend to the lovely girl's demands. Change me. Feed me. Wash me.
Hypnotise me to sleep. With a strong double act in operation there would
be more time to get the other things done, the nice little touches,
like change my pants, feed myself, have a wash and clean the house.
Naaah, not a chance.
The Milk Lady made some delicious food (meatloaf) and I
tidied the table by moving a pile of papers to a different location on
the table. Turns out the Nicompoop has the ability to steal time. You
wake at 0650, get ready for a productive day, then it's bed time.
Somewhere in the middle you ensure the baby has a great day and you are
absorbed in a time machine that roughs you up, smears banana and milk
over your clothes and face while slowly chiselling away at your hygiene
"Right, that is it!" I exclaimed to L.
"What's up?" she said.
"We need to get back to having a modicum of respect for ourselves", I continued, knowing it was too late.
I was walking along the landing towards a pile of brimming
nappies with a saturated breastpad stuck the bottom of my foot. I thought I'd seen the last of these pesky sour bastards, but no they're back – the Milk Lady is reducing feeds so becomes leaky during the mid-section of the day. Back at
the start of November I was a somebody, a big-shot*. Now look at me.
*not really, I just wasn't caked in excrement.
Somewhere in the day we had an amazing time in the swimming
pool with A-bizzle, practising the moves she's been learning at Baby
Swimming. While the other families laughed and played in the water we
were dunking, belly-flopping and spinning the munchbunch underwater.
Aggressive stuff, but she loved it and I needed prep ahead of my first
lesson in charge on Wednesday.
Right, back to my disciplined moisturising regime.